The Case For Delaying Solids

A few days shy of her half-birthday (aka "Halfsie" - thanks Mama Lady KT!), I prepared Babydoll's first tiny bowl of rice cereal.  That first feeding was captured in photos and video, as BD and I cracked up over Babydoll's reaction to the thin, bland cereal.  In the days, weeks, and now months, that have followed that initial taste of solid food, I've encountered folks who want to know why we didn't give the baby rice cereal the very minute she turned four months old.  From all the research I've conducted, I can't figure out why it's common practice these days to give a four-month-old baby solid foods.  Some parents I know began even earlier than four months.  It just doesn't make sense to me.  There is so much evidence supporting a delay until six months old or later, or allowing the child to practice baby-led weaning.

My first stop on this research train was KellyMom.  That website is a treasure trove of real, science-based information, and it's an amazing source of breastfeeding and natural parenting support.  I next visited my old stand-by, Dr. Sears, for his take on the topic.  Finally, I checked the American Academy of Pediatrics* and the World Health Organization* for the collective view of physicians.  Every single source on my check-list supported my idea that my baby would tell me when she was ready and that waiting until she was older would be the most beneficial to her health.  It had absolutely nothing to do with how much or how little she weighed, a common argument for those who begin feeding solids early.

Armed with my newfound knowledge, we marched into the baby's four-month pediatric check-up, prepared to battle the doctor when she told us to start giving the baby cereal.  To my relief, our supportive doctor told us that she would prefer if we waited at least another six weeks to start solids.  (I've since realized that our pediatrician is a closeted hippie parent, who practices bedsharing and delayed vaccinations for her own children, much to the dismay of the other doctors at the practice.)

The primary reasoning behind our decision to delay was this: a baby's intestines simply cannot process food other than breastmilk or formula before it has reached six months of age.  Giving a baby food before this time often leads to food allergies, digestive problems (including painful gas, diarrhea and constipation), immune system deficiencies, iron-absorption issues, and obesity in later years.

My friend over at I Am Totally *That* Mom suggested that I look into baby-led weaning some months back.  Since doing so, we've sort of followed that practice.  I do make purees for Babydoll and spoon-feed her, but she often takes the spoon from my hand and allows me to help her guide it to her mouth.  We also allow her to choose foods from our plates when it sparks her interest.  She is still getting the hang of it, but she sure does love to make a mess of herself and her high chair (and the floor, and the dog's heads, and Mama's skirt).  A friend of mine asked how we could tell that Babydoll was ready for solid foods.  It was a pretty easy observation: she sat with us at the dinner table and began to take an interest in what we were doing, rather than just flinging her floppy bunny around and screeching at the kitty.  She would follow our hands as we put food in our mouths, and she'd make chewing motions with her mouth.  She began reaching for our utensils and our plates.  This all began around the time that she was five months old.  We knew that at her age, she wasn't truly ready for food, she simply wanted to be included in what the big people were doing.  During meal times, we kept her involved by talking to her and giving her a cup or toy to play with.  We gave it another month, then I bought a box of Earth's Best Organic Rice Cereal and fixed her a bowl.

So far, Babydoll has liked everything she's tasted (except squash, which is a shame.  BD and I love squash, and we eat it often, so we'll keep trying).  I believe that by delaying solids, we've allowed her to be more aware of the textures and flavors of what she's eating, which will hopefully make her an adventurous eater as she grows up.  We haven't had a single issue of upset tummy or any other sign of digestive problems, and not a trace of food allergy so far.  Knock wood.

Of course, there are always exceptions, and many parents make the argument "Well, I started Baby on solids at three-four-five months, and he's just fine," or "My mom gave me rice cereal when I was six weeks old and I'm just fine."  Careful about making that argument to me.  I can almost always find something wrong with you.  Ha.

*American Academy of Pediatrics now recommends starting solid food with babies between 4-6 months old.  The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for as long as possible, and exclusively until the child is six months old before beginning solid foods.

Crappy Parenting

Crappy parenting (not to be confused with Parenting, Illustrated With Crappy Pictures) seems to be more and more prevalent in society.  Every time I go out in public, I'm hit in the face by truly crappy parents (not literally, of course.  Wouldn't that be an interesting post though?).  You know these parents: they're the ones who let the (usually filthy) child cry, whine, scream, without attending to them, and then remark to a stranger (me) about how horrible their child is.  They're the parents who post on Facebook about how their child kept them up all night crying and since the child didn't have a fever, they just let the child cry because obviously that kid was just being a brat.  Right?

If you've followed this self-indulgent writing of mine for any length of time, you can probably guess how angry this sort of "parenting" makes me.  I put parenting in quotes there, because my idea of parenting does not jive with letting your kiddo cry and cry without attempting to comfort them, or complaining to random people, within hearing distance of your child, about how terrible they are.  Maybe I'm just a squishy-soft, overly attentive, gently disciplining, too-much-nurturing kind of mama, but you know what?  My 8-month-old is one damn happy baby.

I ask this question far too often: Why do people have children if they don't want the responsibility of raising them?  Why?  It begins when you have unprotected sex - whether or not you get pregnant from that encounter (usually drunk - I find that's how most people get pregnant), you're taking the chance that in nine months or so, you'll have a little person to care for.  If you make the decision to boink uncovered, and then you make the decision to have and keep the baby, you should make the decision to do your very best to raise a happy, healthy person.

You don't have to parent the way I do.  I know lots of wonderful parents who don't babyraise the way we have chosen to, but they are still fantastic parents raising perfectly happy children.  In fact, I know so many amazing parents, that when I come across a crappy one, it just throws me for a loop.  I was absolutely thrilled to become a mama, so I can't imagine how someone can make mean comments about their children (even if they ARE behaving like little hellions, why make yourself look like an ass too?).  Maybe your "brat" just needs a hug.

The Baby Bed Hog

BD and I believe that families should sleep together.  From the time Babydoll was three weeks old, she has slept securely between her Daddy and me.  It's comfortable, it's safe, and, best of all, I wake up to her perfect little baby face every morning.

For centuries, families from all walks have slept together.  In tribal communities, it ensured that the child was safe and protected from the elements and wild animals.  In the early days of America, most homes were small and there was often only one or two bedrooms, which meant that in a family of five, someone was sharing a bed with more than one other person.  In more recent America, bedsharing or co-sleeping has become taboo.  Why?  Why are we in such a rush to push our babies away from us?  Bedsharing and co-sleeping facilitate longer breastfeeding, reduce the risk of SIDS, and keep working mothers and fathers attached to their babies.

• SIDS: studies have shown that bedsharing and/or co-sleeping greatly reduce the risk of SIDS.  How?  Think about it.  If your baby is asleep next to you, rather than down the hall in another room, you're much more aware of his breathing patterns.  Additionally, the mother's breathing regulates the baby's own.  In the early days of Babydoll's existence, she slept in the crook of my arm.  One night, I tested this idea.  If I took a deep breath, she immediately took a deep breath.  If I took shorter, more shallow breaths, she did the same.  Isn't that amazing?
• Breastfeeding mothers that sleep with their child(ren) find it so much easier to feed in the middle of the night.  As breastfeeding becomes more established, sometimes the mama and baby don't even fully wake when the baby needs to feed.  Baby latches, nurses, then rolls away and falls back to sleep.  This helps both mama and baby (and daddy, too) get more restful sleep, even when baby needs to feed during the night.  This also helps mamas, especially working mamas, continue to breastfeed for a longer period of time, rather than having the baby wean or their milk supply diminish earlier than they'd like.
• It helps with staying attached.  As a working mother, I miss out on many hours with my sweet pea during the day.  Those are precious hours, and I hate being away from home.  But one must do what one must do.  In addition to babywearing when I'm home, sleeping with my baby helps us gain more hours together, even if we're both zonked out.  And hey, I'll take what I can get.
• It's just natural for us.  For both BD and me, it never even came up as a topic of discussion.  We both feel that families should sleep together for as long as all parties want to do so.  Once I had more or less recovered from my c-section and was able to sleep in my own bed again (the first three weeks were spent sleeping on the couch because it was so much easier to get up and down from it), we began bedsharing with our beautiful baby.  Seven months later, we are still enjoying it.
• You're more aware of your baby's sleeping patterns and any issues that come up during the night.  When Babydoll is restless (as she often is), instead of allowing her to wake fully and call our attention, we are right there to cuddle, soothe and pacify her right back into sleep.  When she is teething or doesn't feel well, we are right there to keep her comfortable and allow her more rest.

Bedsharing is when all members sleep in the same bed.  Co-sleeping is when all members sleep in the same room, but not necessarily the same bed.  The term "co-sleeping" is most often used though the person usually means "bedsharing."  Either way, it's still families sleeping together and it's a beautiful thing.

*Safety should always be practiced when bedsharing and co-sleeping.  Babies should not use a pillow, nor have a blanket pulled up to their chin.  We keep Babydoll's blanket pulled up to her tummy.  If either parent has been drinking, or taken any kind of drug (prescription or otherwise), baby shouldn't sleep in the same bed.  We use a fan to keep air circulating throughout the room and to keep the temperature cool (which you should do even if baby sleeps in a crib).  Please read Dr. Sears' recommendations for safe bedsharing and co-sleeping.  Dr. Sears does not recommend that the baby sleep between the mother and father, but it's what works for us.  Use your best judgment, as with everything.

**If you don't currently practice family bed, you're probably wondering how BD and I maintain our "adult" relationship when there's a baby tucked between us.  Without getting graphic (I'm so not a kiss-and-tell kind of girl), I will say that it definitely hasn't suffered.  There are plenty of rooms in the house, beside the bedroom.  S-E-X does not have to be confined to a bed in a bedroom.  That is all.  Wink.

Pinchin' My Pennies

In this day and age, it's really difficult to be a single-income family.  Our family gets by on just my income, while BD stays home with Babydoll (in the voice of Chandler Bing: "Could we be more non-traditional?").  Some days I wonder how we manage to do it every month, and some months are certainly more challenging than others.  It's usually on that one day a month when I sit down at the 'puter to pay the household bills, that I stare at the suddenly shrunken number in my checking account and ask myself: "What can we do to cut back and save more?"

The truth is, we live a fiscally conservative lifestyle.  Our house is small ("the shack of the block" according to BD), which translates to a small mortgage, property taxes, and utilities.  Both of our cars have been paid off for several years - they aren't fancy, but they run (knock wood).  We don't take fancy vacations, or eat fancy dinners, or wear fancy clothes.  We just ain't fancy folk.  To us, it is far more important that our daughter be raised by her parents, and not by daycare.  We are very fortunate that my income allows us to live as we do and that Babydoll is cared for by her daddy during the day while Mama is at work.  Here are some ways we make our money stretch further, even in this crappy economy:

Meal planning and cooking at home.  This is a big one; most people don't realize what kind of cash they're forking over weekly for fast food or dining out.  We plan out our meals on a weekly basis, make a grocery list and stick to it when going shopping.  We always have leftovers, which we freeze in lunch-sized portions.  I bring my lunch to work every day, BD eats at home, and we always have a great variety of meals from which to choose.  We have really minimized our food waste by doing so, and that savings adds up.  Big time.

Cable/ satellite: examine your bill.  How much are you really paying every month to watch TV?  We have DISH Network, and after taking a hard look at what channels we paid for versus what we actually watched, I decided to drastically cut back.  I saved us almost $50 a month and guess what?  As involved parents, we don't have much time for TV watching anyway.  Babydoll goes to bed about an hour or so before we do, so we just don't have the time.  We also have a Netflix Instant subscription, which costs a whopping $7.99.  BD watches "Hoarders" and old episodes of "The Addams Family."  I watch documentaries and the occasional sappy chick-flick.  A $600 annual savings makes sense in our case.

Cut out the disposable items.  How much do you spend on paper plates, paper towels, plastic cups, paper napkins, plastic baggies, disposable diapers and wipes?  A whole hell of a lot, I bet.  If you switched to reusable items, you'd save yourself a ton of money and a ton (literally) of landfill waste.  We use cloth napkins, cloth diapers and wipes, glass food storage containers.  I cut up old t-shirts for cleaning rags and we use dish towels in the kitchen.  If you have a baby, you are spending at least $20 a week in disposable diapers, right?  You'd save your family so much money if you switched to cloth diapers, not to mention, they are a far healthier option for your sweet pea.

Practice conservation with your utilities:

• If you are not actively using the running water, like when you brush your teeth or shave your legs, turn it off.  Run only a full load in the dishwasher or washing machine.  The most brilliant tip I've ever been given about conserving water was this: keep a bucket near your shower or tub.  When you turn it on to warm up, place the bucket in there and collect the water you're not using.  Use that water to hydrate your house plants and outdoor landscaping or garden.  How genius is that?!?!?
• Turn down your water heater.  Line dry your laundry.  You'll save $5 - $25 a month on your gas bill.
• Use surge protectors for everything.  Plug your TV, DVD player, Wii, etc. into one.  When not in use, turn off the surge protector.
• Unplug kitchen appliances and chargers when not in use.  You'll extend the life of your appliances by doing so and lower your power bill.
• Program your thermostat.  Keep your home at one temperature.  We keep the temp at 76 in the summer, 70 in the winter.

Review your insurance policies, especially your auto.  Call your agent and tell them that you need to save X amount of money on your policy(ies) and make them work for your business.  If they can't do anything for you, get quotes from other companies.  I've been with my insurance company for almost ten years; I wasn't interested in switching companies, but I needed to save some money.  I called them up, explained my situation and voila!  $100 savings annually.

Skip expensive cleaning products, and switch to vinegar and baking soda.  You really can use these two items to clean everything in your house (except wood - you still need lemon or orange oil for that).  Vinegar can even replace your fabric softener.

Plan out your errands to maximize your gas mileage; in the summertime, run errands in the evening, when it's slightly cooler.

Here are some websites I visit regularly to help me stretch the family dollar even further:

The Frugal Baby

The Frugal Girls

Restaurants.com (they often run a 80% off sale, which means I get $25 worth of yummy for $2)

Eco-Baby Buys

Baby Half-Off

Baby Steals

Penny Pinching Grandma

Organic Food Coupons

Mambo Sprouts

Penny Pinching Diva

Groupon

One more thing.  You will never save a cent if you don't budget.  And keep budgeting.  I am a non-CPA accountant, by trade, so I live in a  world of budgets.  I've never met a spreadsheet I wasn't able to make my bitch.  Therefore, making a budget, reviewing it regularly, and sticking to it are easy for me.  I know it's not necessarily an easy thing for some people to manage, but you have to do it.  It's a grown-up thing.  Check your local continuing education programs for a course.  Or, if you're in my area and willing to make me brownies (with nuts, please), I'll be more than happy to show you how to get bossy with your money.  It's YOUR money, YOU earned it.  Make it work for you as hard as you work for it.

In My Bag Of Tricks

I get asked a lot, "What do you use for ________________?"

Laundry Detergent: Charlie's Soap.  Awesome.  I started using it for my cloth diapers (after getting horrible build-up and a repelling problem with Planet Ultra); loved it so much, I switched all of our laundry to it.  You use one little scoop for a full load, and I only use a half scoop for the diapers.  It lasts forever.

Dairy Products:  I'm lactose-intolerant.  It sucks.  No milk, butter, cream, or, worst of all, ice cream.  I use organic almond milk for my coffee and cereal, and for baking.  For "butter," I use Earth Balance Soy-Free spread.  It's yummy and makes me happy.  My tummy is okay with yogurt and frozen yogurt.  I eat plain, non-fat Greek yogurt every day, usually with a little organic honey and granola.

Cleaning Products: no chemicals here.  Except for dish soap, I use only white distilled vinegar and baking soda to clean.  For an all-purpose cleaner, I mix equal parts vinegar and water in a spray bottle, with 20 drops of tea tree oil and 15 drops of lavender oil.  For dish soap, we use Whole Foods 365 Mandarin-Ginger.  It's the same formula as Seventh Generation's, but costs $1.00 less.

Cloth Diapers: besides Babydoll, this is my favorite topic!  BD finally got on the CD train a few weeks ago.  What made that previously unattainable event happen?  GroVia hybrid diapers.  He does often use the disposable inserts, but they contain much less SAP than regular disposables, and they're biodegradable.  Woot!  For a nighttime diaper, I use Rump-a-Rooz G2 one-size pocket diapers, stuffed with a Baby Kicks hemp insert, Hemp Babies insert, and the large Rump-a-Rooz microfiber insert.  For daytime, Happy Heinys one-size pockets and bumGenius 4.0 one-size pockets remain in rotation, along with a couple of BumCheeks I picked up from BabySteals.  I use cloth wipes from Under the Nile and GroVia, and I make a wipe solution of California Baby Diaper Area Wash and water in a small spray bottle.  I just spray as needed and wipe her down.

Food Storage: Anchor Hocking and Kinetic Go Green glass storage containers.  No need to worry about BPA leaching into our food, or stained and stinky plastic containers cluttering up my cupboards.  I keep Babydoll's food in Green Sprouts containers.

Baby Food: except for her cereal and puffs, I make her food.  It's simple, takes about ten minutes from start to finish, and it ensures that we know exactly whats's going into her little tummy.  We use Earth's Best Rice Cereal and Oatmeal, and Happy Baby Puffs.

Baby Wash and Lotion: California Baby Calming Bodywash and Lotion.  On the VERY rare occasion she gets diaper rash, a dab of their Calming Diaper Rash Cream.  Actually...in the five months this kiddo's been in cloth, I think we've only had one occurrence of diaper rash.  Yay cloth!

What else do you want to know?  I'm a researching fool, and yes, I do research damn near everything that comes into our home.  Obsessed?  Me?