30 Days of Motherhood: Day 14

Day 14: Don't let the bastards keep you down.

If there is one lesson I want my daughter to learn from me, it's to believe in your dreams.  To not accept "No" as a viable answer to your heart's desire.  I found the above quote last night while cruising Pinterest and I instantly knew what I was going to write about today.

I have always wanted my own child.  Always.  You know that scene from "Steel Magnolias," the one where Shelby cries to her mama: "I want a child of my own!"  Long before I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, long before doctors began telling me I wouldn't get pregnant and, if I did get pregnant, I wouldn't carry to term, long before all of that - I watched that movie and that scene stuck to my heart.

The day I found out I was pregnant was surreal.  It was early morning and we were living quite a different life than we are now.  It took me nine months to believe that I was definitely having a baby.  I was scared the entire time that I was going to lose her.  I refused to take the tags off baby clothes and other gifts we received until after she was born.  I was reticent to put together her nursery (and we didn't move into our house until three weeks before she was born).  I was worried about giving her a name before she was born.  But still, deep in that sticky place in my heart, I knew that I was going to be a mama.

Some things, you just KNOW.  Many call it faith...I'm one of those people.  I had faith that, no matter what those bastards told me, I was going to be a mother.  I didn't know if I would give birth or adopt, but I just KNEW that some little person would call me Mama one day.  When I tell Babydoll that she is every wish I ever made, it's the truth.

30 Days of Motherhood: Day 13

Day 13: Experiencing Life

(looking for Days 2-12?  Check out my Facebook page here.)

My friend Sarah has a cute little firecracker daughter, who is a few months younger than Babydoll.  I like to call her Livyloo - she cracks me up, and Babydoll loves playing with her.

Anyhoo, the point of today's post is that Sarah often talks about giving her daughter new experiences.  I'm in love with this idea for so many reasons.  Namely, it's easy.  Think about it.  What does a toddler know about life?  Not much, really.  A task as simple as peeling a mandarin orange is mind-blowing for a little kid.  Pointing out a hummingbird in Grandma's garden is HUGE and cause for giggles and shrieks.  A simple walk around the neighborhood yields 100 things your babe has never seen, heard, smelled, or felt before.

And the best part?  Seeing my child's joy over each discovery softens my grown-up hard-ass idea that I've seen everything already.

30 Days of Motherhood: Day 1

In honor of my sweetheart's upcoming 2nd birthday, I thought I'd share the ideas, images, and quotes that have inspired me as a mother.

Day One:

"I'm always available if he needs me, period."

~Alanis Morissette, about her son, Ever

When I am having one of those crazy days - the one where you're going non-stop from sunup to sundown, when nothing goes right, and the cat pukes in the middle of the one load of laundry you managed to finish - I try to remember to just breathe.  Breathe, and focus, and be present for my child.  It is all too easy to get caught up in the "have to's" of every day.  Sometimes, you just need to chuck it all out the window, snuggle up with the kiddo, and read "Little Blue Truck."

Motherhood Is Not For Sissies

Motherhood is not for sissies.  The end.

Just kidding...that's not really the end.

Before I had a child, I looked at other parents struggling with their children and would roll my eyes with disdain. I often thought to myself, as those without children do, "I will be able to handle my kids so much better than that."

Your brain tells you those kinds of lies, so that you will, in fact, procreate and make your own offspring.  It must be some form of evolution.  Any first-time parent will tell you: "I had no idea what I was getting myself into."  And that's the truth.  Motherhood, or parenthood, is not for the weak, the lazy, the feeble.

Of course, we all know at least one parent who couldn't care less what their kid eats, or where they sleep, or even who raises them.  I don't actually consider those people parents.  Parents, in my book, give a shit.

Your child will hit, bite, and kick you.  Your child will slap you across the face and then scream at you in the middle of Target.  That same child will keep you up all night, because she doesn't feel like sleeping.  Or, after keeping you up all night, will fall asleep at 5 a.m. just as your alarm goes off to get up for the work day.  Your child will throw food at you and go on hunger strikes.  She will pluck hairs out of the cat and swing the dog around by his tail.  She will refuse to sit in her car seat, instead hanging over the back of it, while saying "No" ever so sweetly.

Small children are kind of like pimps.

But after all of that has occurred, usually on the same day, that child will climb into your lap, snuggle into your neck, hug you tightly, and whisper in her baby voice "My mama."  And that makes you forget all of the crap she's put you through.

My beautiful baby will be two years old next month.  Time has flown, truly.  As her personality blossoms, as her language develops, as the twinkle in her eye gets even more twinkly, I'm just amazed that we've all survived thus far.  This shit is HARD.  

It's also awesome.  No matter how bad it gets, and it does get bad, I am always, always grateful for my child.  For who she is, and for who she makes me.  I never knew how strong I could be.  I never knew my capacity for not giving up, or giving in.  I never, ever knew how big the feeling of love and protection could be.  The word "love" doesn't even seem to encompass the feeling I have for my child.  It's too small, too simple a word, to describe how overwhelming it is to be someone's mother and to feel those thousands of feelings every day, every minute.

Thank you, my baby.

Groovy Recipe: Cheeseburger Macaroni

You see the title, and I know what you're thinking: "That sounds suspiciously like Hamburger Helper."  No way, dude.  Not in my kitchen.  Don't get me wrong - Hamburger Helper is delicious.  Salty, fatty, processed deliciousness.  In my late teens and early twenties, when I was starting out on my own, many a spoonful of Hamburger/ Tuna Helper made its way into my mouth.  But I'm a grown-up now and I have a child to feed as healthfully as I can.

This recipe was totally an experiment, the result of my missing two ingredients for meatloaf with macaroni and cheese.  It came out so unbelievably good, and my picky vegetarian toddler ate it all up, including the meat.  She even helped herself to my bowl, and then her Daddy's.  Then, she licked the serving spoon.

Mama wins!

Cheeseburger Macaroni

6-8 servings

Ingredients

1 package whole wheat elbow macaroni

3/4 lb grass-fed ground beef (the grass-fed isn't necessary, but that's what we do)

1 small yellow or white onion, petite dice

2 cloves garlic, minced

2/3 cup minced carrot

Several dashes Worcestershire Sauce

2 tbsp butter

2 tbsp flour

2/3 cup butternut squash puree

1 1/2 cups milk

1 1/2 cups shredded cheddar

1 tsp ground mustard powder

Salt

Pepper

Olive oil

Method

Cook pasta to al dente according to package directions, in a large pot.  Drain and return to the pot.

Drizzle olive oil in a frying pan and heat over medium.  Add onion and cook for five minutes.  Stir in the carrot and garlic, and cook another five minutes.  Shove the onion, garlic, and carrot to the side of the pan, then add the ground beef to the empty side.  Cook the beef until browned, then stir everything together and reduce the heat to medium-low.  Season with the Worcestershire, salt, and pepper, then cook for a few more minutes.  Drain the fat, then add the mixture to the pasta.

In the same pan, melt the butter over medium heat.  Whisk in the flour to make a roux.  Cook the roux for a couple minutes, stirring constantly, until it is an almond color and smells like buttery toast.  Whisk in the milk; bring to a slight simmer.  Whisk in the squash puree and season with salt, pepper, and the mustard powder.  Let the sauce simmer, whisking occasionally, until slightly thickened.  Remove from heat and whisk in the cheese.  When the cheese is melted, pour the sauce over the pasta and meat and stir well until everything is well-combined.  Serve in wide bowls.  Grub.

GMO: You Need To Know

I eagerly followed the trail of California's Proposition 37 in the recent election.  In short, the passage of it would require all food containing genetically-modified organisms (GMO) to be labeled as such.

It seems like a "gimme" that it would pass, right?  Doesn't everyone want to know what they're eating?

It didn't pass.  That makes me cry a little.

I will assume that, by now, you know who Monsanto is and what they are doing to the farmers and consumers in America.  Google it if you don't.  It's important.  Watch "Food, Inc."

The United States is one of the few developed countries in the world that does not already require the labeling of GMO foods.  That's just crazy.  Even China requires those foods to be labeled.  Come on, America.  Let's get our act together.

Why is it so important to label GMO foods?  You need to know:

• the DNA of these crops have been genetically-engineered, primarily to resist the harsh pesticides with which they're sprayed.  Corn, soy, and cotton are the most modified crops, engineered to be "RoundUp-Ready" (that stuff you buy to kill the weeds in your yard - imagine that sprayed all over your salad and corn on the cob).
• the DNA of your food affects your DNA.  You know what happens to mutated DNA?  Cancer.
• genetically-modified crops are unstable and their nutrition levels cannot be guaranteed.
• it's a slippery-slope: genetically-modified corn and soy is fed to cows, chickens, farmed fish, and pigs, which alters the animals' DNA, which alters your DNA when you consume them.
• furthering the slippery-slope: the pesticides get into our soil, into our water supply, and therefore into our bodies.
• infants and children are greatly affected by GM foods; their rapid development is stunted, hindered, and influenced by it.  Multiple studies show that consumption of dairy products containing rBST leads to digestive disorders, bowel obstructions, allergies, hormonal shifts (think breasts on infants and boys, early onset of puberty), the list goes on and on.

Several people have told me that they cannot afford to buy organic food.  Sure, it can be more expensive than conventional food.  Here is something to keep in mind: we are a single-income family and believe me, that income is not very large.  How do I manage to purchase almost all organic food for us, without breaking the bank?  Healthy food is a priority in our budget.  We save money in several other areas of our household:

• we don't have a full satellite TV package - I pay about $40 a month, and that provides plenty of channels for us.
• we own our vehicles outright - they are not brand-new or fancy, but they run well (knock wood) and serve our purposes just fine.
• we are conservative with our utilities.
• we live in a small house, which translates to a small mortgage, lower homeowner's insurance, property taxes, utilities, etc.
• our out-of-pocket medical expenses are minimal most of the time - because we put better food into our bodies, our bodies are healthier.
• we eat at home most of the time; I cook fresh foods, rarely using processed or packaged items.

In a nutshell, we live simply.  We are not concerned with the latest trends, we do not worry about keeping up with The Joneses.  What we have is enough.

If you are not yet familiar with The Dirty Dozen and The Clean Fifteen, check out those lists to help you determine what is most important to buy organic and what you can skip.  Keep in mind that the lists do change periodically, so check it regularly.

Photo Credit: http://www.definebody.com

A Big Ol' Minus Sign

Life has not been great lately here at The Groovy Homestead.  We've been plagued by months of illness and injury.  Babydoll had two back-to-back ear infections, began teething the two-year molars, and swallowed a penny, which became stuck in her esophagus and she had to go under general anesthesia at the ER to have it removed.  Most recently, Babydoll's Daddy fell and broke his hip.  For real.  And no, he's not THAT old.

To say I've been stressed out is an understatement.

While venting to my mom one night, she told me something she had heard on the radio recently.  A man was on the morning show, talking about negative energy and asked the listeners if they knew people who'd had one bad thing happen after another.  He claimed that there was a lot of negative energy on the planet, and it's affecting a great many folks.

Well, hell.

My mom told me I ought to think about my karma and consider any "bad" actions that may be affecting my current situation.  I do believe in karma, and I do believe in good and bad energy.  I've been thinking about it a lot lately, as my stress levels (and blood pressure) rise.  I'm not always the nicest person.  Sometimes, I am downright mean.  The ideal me would be kind, generous, open-minded, and patient.  I am far from the ideal me.  Very far.

Back in the day, before career and domesticity claimed me, I practiced a bit of Wicca and was constantly cleansing myself and my home of bad energy.  It's been so long since I've done that, I couldn't even remember the basics of what I used to do.  I had to Google it.

Starting this week, I am going to work on becoming the ideal me.  I'm going to begin by cleansing my home of the negative energy, because I can feel it as soon as I come home.  That is no place to raise a child, nor nurture an adult relationship.

• Remove all the clutter
• Burn a white candle in every room
• Smudge sage, in a counterclockwise direction throughout the house
• Sprinkle a bit of salt in the corners of each room
• Keep positive thoughts and images in my mind as I do all of the above

It occurred to me recently that when we bought and moved into our home, I never gave it a spiritual cleansing.  Dumbass!  The house was a foreclosure, so naturally, there was a lot of negative energy in the space.  I've often felt "something" in Babydoll's room and experienced some mischief in there (things have gone missing, toys that I know have been turned off will make noise in the middle of the night, the cat is fascinated by her room).

For myself, I'm going to try breathing more and reacting less.  I think it may just be that simple to diffuse a bad situation.  I hope.

The Soy Conspiracy

Okay, "conspiracy" is a pretty strong word.  But I do feel strongly about the over-consumption of soy in the U.S.  Many of us who turn to a vegetarian or vegan diet often replace animal proteins with soy protein.  Soy protein is the only plant-based complete protein, it's true.  But soy is, in my opinion, just as damaging to the body as animal proteins.

Even if you're not a vegetarian, you probably consume a greater amount of soy than you think you do.  It's in everything; check your food labels.  Look especially for the word "lecithin."

Photo Credit: http://www.britishfoodanddrink.blogspot.com

My friend, Bean's Mommy, recently asked me what I thought about soy and wondered if I had written a blog post about it.  Oh shoot.  No, I haven't.  So what's my problem with soy?  I'm happy to tell you:

• My number 1 issue is that soy is the most genetically modified crop grown in America.  If you are not yet familiar with the dangers of GMO (genetically modified organisms), PLEASE read this and this and this and KEEP learning about what's in your food.  I am constantly learning more about what I'm feeding my family (see my Carrageenan post).  If you insist upon consuming soy, you better make sure it's organic.
• Soy interferes with the body's normal estrogen production in both males and females (yes dudes, you also produce estrogen).  The body's natural production of hormones is an already delicate balance, highly susceptible to the smallest change.  Soy is a phytoestrogen that stimulates some sex hormones, while inhibiting others.  Consumption by men can actually lower their testosterone levels, which lowers the sex drive in turn.  
• New studies are showing evidence that soy can actually increase a woman's risk of breast cancer, rather than the previously accepted theory that it helps decrease the risk.
• Other studies are showing links between soy consumption, particularly lecithin, and brain development in fetuses, infants, and children, as well as impedance of reproductive system development.  Yikes, y'all.

I've mentioned before that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, aka PCOS.  When I first began learning about my condition, every book, essay, and article I read strongly advised limiting soy consumption.  In those days, I was a happy soy consumer.  Soy milk, tofu, soy yogurt, edamame, were all a big part of my diet.  I thought I was doing the right thing - I'd been told that soy helps lower a woman's risk of developing breast cancer, that it's an excellent meat replacement, that the people of Japan and China have lower instances of heart disease and cancer because of their regular soy consumption.  Imagine my resistance to cut it out altogether.  I loved my soy lattes and tofu stir fries.  I didn't know then that soy was everywhere and in everything.  

When I became pregnant, I really made the effort to cut out soy completely.  I began using almond milk and learned more about other non-animal sources of protein (I could not stomach chicken during most of my pregnancy, I don't eat pork, and if I can't have my meat medium, I don't want it).  After Babydoll was born and my monthly cycle returned, I noticed something pretty major: I had no more PMS symptoms.  My entire life, up until that point, my cycles had meant horrible mood swings, unbelievably tender breasts, unbearable cramps, and unpredictable periods.  I can't begin to describe my elation, then confusion, about the change.  What was different, I wondered.  Is it because I've had a baby?  Maybe because she was born via Cesarean?  And then one day, it hit me: I don't eat soy.  My body's hormone function is working by itself, with no outside influences.  This is fantastic!

I recently tried an experiment on myself: about six weeks ago, I started eating a Luna bar for breakfast every morning.  Luna's primary ingredient is soy (but they are so very delicious).  I wanted to see if there would be any change.  Well, there was.  During ovulation (which I affectionately refer to as "laying an egg"), my mood dipped down lower than I had experienced in a long time - I even thought I might be pregnant because of how I'd felt right before I learned I was pregnant with Babydoll.  A week later, my breasts felt tender - even standing in the shower was painful.  And then, laying in bed early one morning, I felt that familiar twisting of my insides - the cramps lasted for three days and were so painful, I had to take Advil, which is not something I reach for easily.

How crazy is that?  Within weeks of consuming soy again, my body resorted back to where it was when I ate soy on a regular basis.  This was my proof-positive that I really, truly have an adverse reaction to soy, even in a small amount.

What do dietitians always say?  "Everything in moderation," right?  I think I probably have a higher sensitivity to soy than others, but I still caution you from over-consumption.  If you must, I can't stress this enough: please make sure it's organic.

Groovy Recipe: Lentil Enchiladas

I love Mexican food.  Looooove it.  When I was pregnant, it was pretty much all I ate.  Babydoll's DNA is part guacamole.  I don't usually cook Mexican food at home; I tend to leave that to the professionals.  But I love enchiladas, and I especially love my lentil and veggie enchiladas.

Lentil Enchiladas

4-6 servings

Ingredients

8 corn tortillas

2 cups cooked lentils (I use the steamed lentils from Trader Joe's)

1 1/2 cups enchilada sauce (I use the Trader Joe's bottle)

1 cup cooked brown or wild rice

1 medium zucchini, quartered and thinly sliced

1 medium yellow squash, quartered and thinly sliced

1 medium onion, petite dice

1/2 cup shredded or grated carrot

1/2 cup bell pepper, petite dice (any color, though I prefer yellow and orange in this dish)

1 1/2 cups shredded cheddar, or Mexican blend cheese

Method

Preheat the oven to 350.

Drizzle olive oil in a large frying pan.  Heat over medium, then add onion and peppers.  Saute them for a few minutes until they just start to turn tender.  Add in the carrots, zucchini, and squash.  Saute just until the zucchini turns bright green, then add in the lentils and rice.  Stir in 1/2 cup of enchilada sauce (more or less - you don't want the mixture runny, but you don't want it too dry).  Remove from heat.

Coat a large casserole or baking dish with cooking spray, then cover the bottom with a thin layer of enchilada sauce (1/4-1/3 cup, depending on the size of your dish).  Lay two of the tortillas side by side on the bottom.  Spread enough lentil mixture over each tortilla to cover it.  Sprinkle each with cheese.  Repeat with the remaining tortillas and lentil mixture.  After laying the top tortilla on each stack, press down lightly with your hand to firm up the stacks.  Pour the remaining enchilada sauce over the stacks, then sprinkle with the rest of the cheese.

Bake at 350 for 25-30 minutes.  Remove from oven and let set for 10 minutes.  I use a wide spatula to quarter each stack and serve two quarters per adult.  Grub.

Why do I stack the tortillas, instead of rolling them?  Quite simply, I can't roll corn tortillas to save my life.  No matter how moist I get them, they still crack and break.  Plus, a layered dish like this is super easy to serve.  And it's really easy to freeze leftovers this way.

Fair warning: there is a lot of fiber in this dish.  Things should move, um...smoothly for you after supper.

What The Hell Is Carrageenan?

We tried out a new pizza place with my brother, sister-in-law, and their kids a couple weeks ago (Pizza Fusion - lots of organic, natural foods on their menu, eco-friendly business practices, and it was really, really, yummy).  While we're sitting there, enjoying the whole grain goodness, my sister-in-law asked me if I'd heard of carrageenan.

Huh?  What's that?  Or, as Babydoll would say, "Wussat wussat wussat?"

SIL told me it's an ingredient in a lot of organic products, that it should be avoided, and that I should look into it further.

Research!!!

I typed "carrageenan" into the Google Monster.  Bam.  Hit after hit with bad-news headlines.  Shit.

Wikipedia told me that carrageenan is a food additive derived from red seaweed, used as a thickener and stabilizer, especially in organic dairy products.  Well, that doesn't sound so bad.  Seaweed is good for you, right?  Kelp and all that?

Nope.  

Cornucopia.org told me that the World Health Organization (WHO...not The Who, to whom I am currently listening, by the way.  Want to listen along?  It's the "Who's Next" album) has classified carrageenan as a "possible human carcinogen."  Carcinogen = cancer.  Shit.

Carrageenan has also been linked to gastrointestinal inflammation ("my tummy hurts"), colon cancer, and a myriad of other gastrointestinal troubles (like chronic diarrhea and irritable bowel syndrome, aka IBS).

IBS?  Hey.  I know some people with IBS...namely, my mother and Babydoll's Daddy.  Shit.

I threw open the fridge and pulled out every dairy item in the joint, scanning each ingredient list.  The milks (whole, nonfat, and almond) were good.  The cheese was good.  The butter was good.  The yogurt from Trader Joe's, that I had JUST bought and fed to my child, it wasn't good.  In the trash it went.

Side note: I really struggled with throwing that food away.  Like, stood in front of the trash bin, weighing it out and talking to myself.  I finally reasoned that I don't want my family to eat it and I don't want anyone else's family to eat it, so it had to get dumped.

Reading further, I learned that the molecular structure of carrageenan is very similar to that of plastic.  Well, that's just great.  But this is a lesson: never stop learning and never stop questioning.  Especially when it comes to what we are putting into our bodies - read every ingredient list and if you don't know what something is, look it up.  I can't assume that just because something is organic, it's okay.  Lesson learned.

I also learned that it's not brand-specific.  For example, Stonyfield's yogurts don't contain carrageenan, EXCEPT for their Squeezers and the caramel flavor of Oikos.  And it's not just in dairy.  Carrageenan is found all over the place, so check your foods' ingredient lists.

I really, really wish Babydoll's Daddy would get on board with going to live with the Amish.  I think we'd be great Amish folks.

Cornucopia has a fairly inclusive list of organic dairy products with and without, here.

While you're on Cornucopia's site, check out the info on Proposition 37.  There's a lot of organic and natural companies I'll never buy from again.  Like Horizon, Muir Glen, Cascadian Farms, and Alexia.  Screw you guys.

Groovy Recipe: Roasted Summer Vegetables With Pesto

Summer is not my favorite season.  Where we live, it's very hot, very dry, and very stifling.  Blech.

I do love the abundance of fruits and vegetables during the summer season, though.  Zucchini and squash are two of my favorite foods, and I cook 'em up as often as I can.  Babydoll and I went to a local farmer's market recently, and after she yelled at the juice guy for taking too long, we stocked up on a plethora of yummies.  Once home, I laid it all out on the table and thought "Hmmm.  What should I make?"

A poke around the fridge yielded a tub of pesto sauce and a log of herbed goat cheese.  A bag of cavatappi pasta sprang forth from the pantry, and that sealed the deal.

Roasted Summer Vegetables With Pesto and Goat Cheese, Over Pasta

*makes a bunch, enough to feed 6-8 healthy appetites

Ingredients

1 bag or box of cavatappi pasta, or whatever you prefer (larger shapes work better)

2 medium zucchini, quartered and sliced thickly

2 medium yellow squash, quartered and sliced thickly

1 medium red onion, medium dice

3 small sweet peppers, medium dice

1/2 cup fresh pesto

Goat cheese 

Olive oil

Salt

Pepper

Italian seasoning

Method

Preheat oven to 400.  Throw the veggies into a large bowl; drizzle with olive oil, salt, pepper, and Italian seasoning.  Toss lightly until everything is coated with oil and spices.  Pour into an over-proof pan, such as a casserole or other baking dish.  Roast at 400 for 20-30 minutes, or until the onions begin to caramelize.

While the veggies are roasting, cook the pasta according to package directions.  Drain the water and return the pasta to its pot.  Remove the veggies from the oven and pour over the pasta; mix lightly.  Stir in the pesto until everything is well-mixed.

Serve in wide bowls, with spoonfuls of goat cheese dropped over the top.  Grub.

Babydoll ate this up like you wouldn't believe!  Her Daddy mixed his goat cheese into the pasta, giving it a creamy coating, so try it that way if you're so inclined.  A wise friend of mine noted "Goat cheese makes everything better."  'Tis true.

Time Is Love

There's a Josh Turner song, titled "Time Is Love."  I'm sure it's meant to be a romantic love song, but since becoming a mother, I often hear parent-child love in music instead of romance.  If you don't mind a quasi-country tune, check it out.  If country, or anything close to it, makes you want to ram kittens into your ears, then here's a sample of the lyrics:

I know I gotta put in the hours,

Make the money while the sunlight shines

But anything I gotta get done,

It can get done some other time

Time is love, gotta run,

Love to hang longer,

But I got someone who waits,

Waits for me and right now

She's where I need to be,

Time is love, gotta run

I only get so many minutes,

Don't wanna spend 'em all on the clock

In the time that we spent talkin',

How many kisses have I lost?

These lyrics sum up perfectly my work days.  I leave the house at 5:30 in the morning (it's an ungodly thing), so I miss waking up to her giggles.  I miss her singing to herself and shaking the sleep out of her curls.  I miss her demands of ice water once she's up (so much like her mama).  I miss the mornings, four days a week.

I have become a clockwatcher when I'm at the office.  As soon as the bell tolls, I'm out the door.  No chit chat about weekend plans, no acceptance of after-work drinks, not even an insincere "have a good night" offered to co-workers.  Nothing.

I remember, once upon a time, I was a driven career woman, plotting my moves up the ladder.  While I still have ambitions, I now have different priorities and they don't include spending 60 hours a week at a boring, thankless desk job.  Once I'm home, I do my best to focus on my family.

I gotta go.  My baby is waiting for me.

Toddler Nutrition 101, The Groovy Way

My kid is a picky eater.  For a true food-lover like me, this is disheartening.  In my quest to find appropriate, nutritious foods for her, I've searched on Pinterest and found all these lists of toddler lunches, snacks, breakfasts, etc.  They are great lists, with a lot of good ideas...but my baby doesn't eat most of what the other bloggers' kids eat.  No peanut butter...no Kraft slices...no deli meats...no eggs...no cutesy sandwiches...nope.

For quite awhile, I worried and stressed and cried over Babydoll's eating habits (or lack thereof).  I couldn't comprehend how in the world we ended up with a picky eater.  BD will eat anything but beets.  I am only slightly picky, in that I don't dig on swine.  Or beets (this is why we are a well-suited match.  Damn the beets!).  So how, HOW, could we have turned out a child who only eats strawberries and pasta?

Over time, I realized that I hadn't had a good kitchen challenge in some time.  Fine then, universe.  Challenge accepted.

When I was pregnant, I bought a copy of "Deceptively Delicious" by Jessica Seinfeld on clearance at Ross.  Surely, I told myself, there will be no true need for this book.  But it was $3.00 and had a lot of puree recipes, so I figured it wouldn't go to waste.

That book was the wisest impulse purchase EVER.

I had always thought that I would be the parent who made only one meal, and if you didn't eat it, then you went to bed hungry.

Well, I'm not that parent right now.  And I don't feel badly about it.

As with everything else we've encountered in this parenting game, the kid is calling the shots.  She didn't sleep through the night regularly until she was 17 months old.  She didn't walk until she was 14 months old.  She is independent, affectionate, funny, smart and determined to do everything in her own time.  I'm still getting used to it and learning to let go of some of the control.

I've mentioned before that one of the main facets of attachment parenting is respecting the child.  One of the ways we do this is recognizing that her taste buds and preferences are not the same as ours, and that's okay. Her pickiness may not be forever.  Some day, she may dive into the baked hake and sauteed brussells sprouts with the same fervor we do.  In the meantime, it's my job to make sure that what she does eat is as nutritious as possible.  This means:

• The cheese sauce for macaroni and cheese is always made with a vegetable puree, like butternut squash or cauliflower.  Vegetables, like peas and carrots, are always added to the pasta.
• Snacks are cut up fruit, vegetables, yogurt, cheese, granola bars, and fruit puree pouches.  She has recently developed a taste for Goldfish crackers and Annie's Cheddar Bunnies, so she gets a handful of those in her snack cup.
• Quinoa is added to all kinds of dishes.
• Smoothies are made with flax seed, spinach or kale, Greek yogurt, almond milk, and lots of fresh or frozen fruit.
• Pesto is made with spinach and basil, flax seed, olive oil and Parmesan (I call it "Magic Sauce.")
• Milk, water, and herbal tea to drink.  Juice is high in sugar and low in nutrition.

I have long been an avid label-reader, even more so now.  If it has no nutritional value, she's not getting it.  I think of it this way: she doesn't eat much, so when she does eat, it needs to pack a punch.  We never miss an opportunity to add a vegetable, fruit or grain to her meals.  I often make several days' worth of lunch for her in one batch, usually in the form of whole wheat pasta cooked in vegetable broth, with veggies (Trader Joe's sells an Awesome Foursome frozen veggie pack that is perfect), some seasoning, butter or cheese sauce.  Muffins are made with fruit, vegetables, or both.

She's still a vegetarian, but I know that she's getting enough protein and iron, because we make a conscious effort about it.  She eats with a fork and spoon, though she still uses her fingers, too.  Sometimes, she makes a huge mess (she recently had a yogurt goatee - it was literally dripping off her face), but this is part of toddlerhood.  She can't learn how to feed herself exclusively if we don't allow her to try.  And here's the thing: sometimes BD and I want to have fish, or scallops, or steak for dinner.  We know she's not going to eat it.  We put a little on her plate anyway, but we also serve her something we know she will eat.  I don't have a problem with it.  I envy those parents who truly can cook just one meal that is happily devoured by the whole family.  Until that day arrives for us (please hurry), I'm satisfied in knowing that what she does eat is wholesome and good for her.

That's good enough.

Homemade organic plum-applesauce

Groovy Recipe: Zucchini Bread

Last week, I took Babydoll to her first dance class (EEEEEEEEE!!!  I loved dance as a little girl, and I hope she will, too).  While signing in, the program director showed us the huge zucchini she'd plucked from her garden.  "I don't know what to do with it," she said.  "You could make zucchini bread, or muffins, with it," I suggested.  "I don't cook," was her laughing reply.  A friend of mine, Diva's Mama, happily volunteered me to take that bad boy home and whip it into something edible.  I told the director I'd have Babydoll's Daddy bring her the results when he brought the kiddo to her play group the following week.

We brought him home.  He sat on the dining room table for a few days.  I wondered if he was, in fact, edible at all.  This was he, in his former state:

That is a full-size laptop, for comparison.

I conferred with my Facebook cooking group (yeah...I'm THAT kind of nerd).  The conclusion was that it would be suitable for baking, but nothing else.  Bread, or muffins, coming right up!

*This recipe is lovingly adapted from my kitchen bible, The Joy of Cooking.

ZUCCHINI BREAD

* makes 1 full sized loaf, 4 mini loaves, or 12(ish) muffins

Ingredients

2 cups grated zucchini, squeezed of extra moisture

2 eggs

1/2 cup oil

2/3 cup sugar

1 tbsp vanilla

1 1/4 cup flour (I use wheat; you can sub white, or half and half)

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp salt

1 tsp nutmeg

1 tsp cinnamon

Before I get going on the method, let me show you how I dismantled this thing in order to get it ready for grating.  It was quite a process.  It involved my machete (a 12" Santoku knife), a non-slip cutting mat, a spoon, and a mandoline fitted with a grater.  The skin was extremely tough, so that had to be removed.  The center was reminiscent of a pumpkin.  I had to cut the beast into quarters, skin it, remove the membranes and seeds, then cut each quarter into multiple pieces.

Hacking away.

Now we can grate!

A big-ass bowl of grated zucchini.

Method:

Preheat oven to 350.  Grease up whatever receptacle you're going to pour the batter into.

Sift together the flour, baking soda, baking powder, spices and salt.  In a large bowl, whisk together the eggs, oil, sugar and vanilla.  Using a few, quick strokes, fold the dry ingredients into the wet (don't over mix).  Fold in the zucchini with a few more strokes.  Pour the batter into the pan or tin.

Bake at 350 for 45-50 minutes (for a large loaf), 35-40 minutes (for four mini loaves), or 25-30 minutes (for muffins).  Do a toothpick test to check if it's done.  Let cool in its pan for at least 20 minutes, then flip out and serve right away, or within four days.

That big-ass zucchini made four batches of the above recipe.

Groovy Recipe: Mango-Ginger Muffins

BD and I started a Mother Hubbard challenge last weekend.  The goal is to use all of the items we have in the pantry, fridge, and freezer before we go grocery shopping again.  So far, so good.  We have a bunch of stuff in the freezer that I'd completely forgotten about!  I'll write up the experience once we've finished.

On Sunday, I was in the mood to bake, and I knew we'd need an easy breakfast for the coming week.  Muffins!  I thought we'd had blueberries in the freezer, but that was the one thing the freezer did not contain. I spied a bag of frozen mango chunks and the hamster wheel in my head started turning.  A poke around the refrigerator revealed a small jar of minced ginger.  Aha!  This is what I churned out:

Mango-Ginger Muffins

*yield 12 muffins (actually, more like 16)

Ingredients

1 cup whole wheat flour

1 cup white flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon ground flax seed

2/3 cup sugar

2 eggs

1 cup milk

1/2 cup oil or melted butter

1 cup chopped mango

1 tablespoon fresh minced ginger

2 teaspoons vanilla

A healthy dash of nutmeg

A healthy dash of cinnamon

Topping

1/4 cup raw sugar (or regular...whatever you have)

1/2 teaspoon powdered ginger

1/2 teaspoon nutmeg

Preheat the oven to 400.  Spray your muffin tin(s) lightly with cooking spray (or use paper liners).

Whisk together the topping ingredients and set aside.

Whisk together the flours, flax, baking powder, salt, cinnamon and nutmeg.  In a large bowl, whisk together the eggs, milk, sugar, vanilla and oil.  Fold the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients with just a few swift strokes.  Stir in the mango and ginger.  Don't over mix your batter!  This leads to dry, dense, yucky muffins.  Your batter will be lumpy - this is what you want.

Evenly distribute the batter among the muffin cups.  I filled mine about 3/4 full and got nicely fluffed muffins.  You can do 2/3 full and still get a good-sized muffin (and that would stretch the batter to at least another 2 muffins, for a total of 18).  Sprinkle the sugar mixture over the batter.

Bake for 15-20 minutes (check them after 15 minutes!).  A toothpick should come out clean if they're done.

Cool in the pan for about 5 minutes, then serve or remove from pan and cool completely before storing in a covered container.  Eat within 5 days for best taste.

They are so yummy!  If you're a ginger freak like me, you can easily add an extra tablespoon minced ginger to the batter.  The sugary topping really makes the muffin, in my opinion, so please don't omit it!  My picky Babydoll ate a whole one in just a couple of minutes.  That alone tells me that this recipe is a winner.

Making Change

The life of a working mother is a difficult one.  I am referring to those of us who work outside the home.  I know, all mothers are working mothers - I get it.  But I have no experience as a stay-at-home mom, so I can't comment on the challenges of those who are.

The day-to-day challenges of meeting expectations both at home and at work are trying, tiresome, and, sometimes, impossible.  Babydoll was only 10 weeks old when my maternity leave was up and I had to return to work.  She is almost 18 months old now (what???) and it is no less difficult today than it was back then.  I hate leaving in the morning.  I hate knowing what I'm missing.  I hate not being able to take her to story time, play group, baby development classes, etc.  The scheduling of those, in my city at least, are geared for the stay-at-home set.  

It doesn't help that I hate my job.

I've spent a great amount of time whining and feeling sorry for myself  because I have to work.  I've cried during my commute, because Babydoll cried when I left for work.  I've harbored resentment toward those who lament on Facebook: "Didn't get to take my nap today because Junior just wouldn't go down for his!"  Grrrr.  

When I got pregnant, I knew that I would be returning to work after my unpaid maternity leave was up.  There was no choice.  I recalled everything I'd ever read about career women with families, and how we can have it all.

Sure, you can have it all.  If you don't sleep.

Anyhoo.

During BD's week-long hospital stay, I took vacation time to stay at home with Babydoll and try to keep her in a routine.  It was during this week that I realized just how much I was missing.  Couple that with feeling like a shitty mother who never makes time for her child, and the result is a huge, massive tidal wave of guilt.  After much crying and whining and groaning, I slapped myself in the face (verbally, not literally).  "Grow up.  Quit your bitching and figure out a solution."  There had to be some way for me to work full-time but still get in enough quality time at home.

The solution occurred to me at 3:14 a.m. on a Friday.  Of course.  Isn't that always when solutions present themselves?

My idea was to ask my boss if I could begin a four 10's schedule: that's working four days a week, for ten hours each day.  This schedule would allow me to get in my 40 hours but would also give me 3 days off each week.  Jackpot!  I e-mailed my boss with my proposal (Sunday - Wednesday, 6 a.m. - 4 p.m.) and eagerly, but nervously, awaited his response.  He e-mailed me back later that evening with "Let me think about it."

Eeeks.  But as my friend, Aileen, pointed out, he didn't say no immediately.

A harrowing 36 hours later, he popped into my office and settled into a chair.  "Okay," he said.  I raised an eyebrow.  "Okay?" I asked.  "Okay, you can have your new schedule.  You want to start it next week?" he responded.

YES!!!

Something my brother, Sam, often says: "Ask and you shall receive."  I was seriously scared shitless about asking for this change, but what's the worst he could have said?  "No."  That's it.  The lesson I received was to discover what mattered most to me, how to get it, and then ask for it.

There is a quote that floats around, and is usually attributed to Mahatma Gandhi.  In my quest to make sure I got the quote correct, I found about 25 different answers online, so I'll just use the one that is most familiar:

"We must be the change we want to see in the world."

How often do we forgo what we really want, and sometimes really need, because we are too scared to ask?  I know I do it frequently.  I also know that it's to my own detriment that I keep pushing down what I want, what I need, in order to feel like a better mama to my baby.  I've really got to remember that it's my responsibility to go after what is most important to me.  My hope is that this new schedule will allow me more time for Babydoll, more time with Babydoll's Daddy, for housekeeping, and for me time (what's that like?).

Side note: Babydoll has already perfected my eyebrow-raise.  I love it.

The Green Ways of the Groovy Homestead

Do you ever get so used to doing something a certain way, that when you come across someone who does it differently, you're kind of blown out of the water?

I'm pretty sure that sentence makes sense to no one but me.  Sometimes, it's hard to translate what I'm thinking into the written word.  Stick with me.

Babydoll's Daddy had major surgery a couple weeks ago.  I took time off work to be with our Babydoll, and his mom ("GG") came to town to "help" (yes, I intentionally put that word into quotes) while he was hospitalized.  My friend, Andrea, recently challenged our mommy group to find the silver lining in shitty situations.  I'm so grateful to her for that challenge, because it helped me put things into perspective during a very difficult, trying time.  GG and I do not see eye to eye on most things.  She is respectful to me, and I to her, but after two days, I've had my fill.  BD is usually the buffer between us, but he was in the hospital for six long days.  I really, really missed him.  I knew that I relied on him for a lot, but I had no idea just how much until he was gone.

Anyhoo.

While GG stayed with us for that week, I realized over and over just how differently we live.  I didn't think that our home was any more or less eco-friendly than other homes.  I'm so used to how we run the Groovy Homestead, being mindful of water and power usage, recycling, reusing, reducing, etc.  I was thrown for a loop when:

GG kept throwing her plastic water/soda bottles in the trash.  I pointed out to her, a few times, that we have filtered water through the refrigerator - it's cold and it tastes good, so there's no need to use bottled water.  I also reminded her, several times, that we recycle, and all she needed to do was place her bottles on the counter top, and I would take it from there.  Yet every time, I opened the door to the trash, there was a heap of plastic bottles.

GG leaves the TV on, even if it's not being watched.  Most of the time, she was knitting or reading or doing a puzzle, not watching it at all.  I could see the power bill skyrocketing in my head.  I asked her, a couple times, "What are you watching?"  Her response: "Oh, I don't know.  It's just background noise."  (That's not true - she kept the volume so low, I couldn't hear anything.)

GG offered to clean BD's bathroom.  Awesome!  I told her that I use vinegar and baking soda when I clean, but that if she wanted to use something else (i.e. Clorox), to please wait until I had Babydoll out of the house, so she wouldn't be breathing in the fumes.  GG balked at this, but a few days later, she asked me to show her what I use and how I use it.  She was amazed at how simple it was and that it worked.

We went out to dinner one night to a local brewpub.  I was familiar with the menu and I knew that there wasn't anything on it that A) Babydoll would eat and B) that I would want Babydoll to eat, so I brought her food with us.  GG asked if Babydoll would eat a grilled cheese.  I told her that she might (no guarantee) but that the cheese used is probably "processed American cheese food" (or whatever Kraft slices are called) and the bread is probably white bread.  GG knows that we feed our kiddo mostly organic food and only foods that provide real nutrition, so it gave me the opportunity to have a real conversation with her about the benefits of healthier choices in our food.  Her response: "Oh, if I put that much goodness in my stomach, my body just wouldn't know what to do!"

As she did during her last visit, she questioned my use of cloth diapers.  I explained to her that no, they aren't a waste of money (because of the use of water and the washing machine), and that the chemicals used in today's disposable diapers are highly toxic.  I showed her, once again, how easy it is to use modern cloth diapers (and how cute they are).

The silver lining to her visit was that she was able to be with BD at the hospital, while I kept Babydoll in her routine of story time and play group and toddler time during the day.  We swapped places in the afternoons and Babydoll had a lot of fun with her grandmother, while I got a few quiet moments with BD.  And it opened my eyes to the efforts we make in our home to (hopefully) make the world a nicer place for our child.

That's the true gift.