Day 14: Don't let the bastards keep you down.
If there is one lesson I want my daughter to learn from me, it's to believe in your dreams. To not accept "No" as a viable answer to your heart's desire. I found the above quote last night while cruising Pinterest and I instantly knew what I was going to write about today.
I have always wanted my own child. Always. You know that scene from "Steel Magnolias," the one where Shelby cries to her mama: "I want a child of my own!" Long before I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, long before doctors began telling me I wouldn't get pregnant and, if I did get pregnant, I wouldn't carry to term, long before all of that - I watched that movie and that scene stuck to my heart.
The day I found out I was pregnant was surreal. It was early morning and we were living quite a different life than we are now. It took me nine months to believe that I was definitely having a baby. I was scared the entire time that I was going to lose her. I refused to take the tags off baby clothes and other gifts we received until after she was born. I was reticent to put together her nursery (and we didn't move into our house until three weeks before she was born). I was worried about giving her a name before she was born. But still, deep in that sticky place in my heart, I knew that I was going to be a mama.
Some things, you just KNOW. Many call it faith...I'm one of those people. I had faith that, no matter what those bastards told me, I was going to be a mother. I didn't know if I would give birth or adopt, but I just KNEW that some little person would call me Mama one day. When I tell Babydoll that she is every wish I ever made, it's the truth.
