We officially have a toddler! She's been walking steadily for several weeks...and climbing...and utilizing various household objects to assist her mountaineering. This kid is fearless. I love it and I hate it.
Along with official toddlerhood status, we also have official toddler attitude. If Babydoll isn't a strong-willed child, I don't know what is. This is, I believe, my mother's curse. Apparently, I was also a strong-willed child. I'm sorry, Mom. I'm so, so sorry.
It became clear to Babydoll's Daddy and myself that "No" would not be sufficient to stop this child's mischief. There is nothing more frustrating than a 15-month-old who laughs at you when you tell her "No," then continues scaling the end table in her quest to knock over the antique brass lamp (she has done this twice already. She is damn lucky that her daddy is a very handy fella). There was one night that I came home from work, around 5:45, and from that time until she went to bed around 9:30, all I said was "No. Stop that. No. Mama said No. Stop that. Get down from there. No!" Over and over. And over. As I flopped into bed that night , BD commented "You know, it's better if she's shows us now that she's strong-willed." "Better than when?" I asked. "Than whenever," he replied. "We know what we're up against. We won't be surprised to find out she's stubborn when she's three."
He has a good point.
I don't want to be a spanker. Or a yeller. Or a belittler. And I don't want to spend my evenings saying "No" on repeat. I figure I better get my act together and find ways to gently discipline this kiddo, and hopefully stay ahead of the game.
You can totally tell I'm a first-timer, by that previous statement, can't you?
Here's what I've been looking into and trying:
Saying No positively. When she's getting into something that we don't want her getting into, we tell her "Not for Babydoll," and redirect her to the toy basket or maracas (thanks, Holly) or anything else that is suitable for her. This works like 75% of the time...so far.
Try to understand why she's misbehaving. This goes along with the attachment parenting practice of respecting your child. Babydoll is showing us more of her personality these days and we love it. It's her natural inclination to climb, explore, be silly, fearless, and curious. I love that she has all of these traits. We do not want to trample her spirit. I want her retain all of those traits as she grows older. So when she's climbing all over the furniture, she's telling us that she's bored and she needs some physical activity. If we can, we go over to the park near our house. The playground is enclosed, so she can climb, swing, run, and be silly to her heart's content. If an outing isn't possible, we redirect. I bought her a kid-sized armchair and she's welcome to climb all over it and drag it around. We pull out her tunnel and let her drag it around and chase the kitty through it, or we pull out her ball tent and let her throw the balls out of it. If there is one thing I've learned about this parenting business so far, it's this: just let them play. You can clean up later.
Redirect. In every blog, book, and website dealing with the topic of gentle discipline for toddlers, this word keeps coming up. Because it works. You stop the kid in his/her tracks with this practice and get them focused on a new activity. If she's got hold of Mama's phone, I ask her if I may have it please. Sometimes she gives it up right away, but most of the time, she just shakes her head no and says "Na-Na" (Babydoll-speak for No-No). Before I even ask her for it, I make sure I have something of her's that she's likely to want to trade. The trade almost always works.
The Grab Bag. This probably isn't a Groovy Mama Original, but I did come up with it on my own and didn't read it anywhere. When Daddy and I want to watch a movie and eat pizza at the coffee table, for example, I fill a reusable shopping bag with all sorts of items: some of her toys, books, the spare keys, an old purse, a takeout menu (for shredding, of course), anything that's okay for her to mess with. The grab bag keeps her occupied for anywhere from 10 minutes to half an hour, and keeps her hands out of the hot wings.
The kitty. Our cat loves her baby and our baby loves her cat. When Babydoll is on the brink of a tantrum, we can ask her "Where's your kitty?" and she immediately stops and looks around for the cat. This is another idea for redirection.
Teaching manners. Babydoll knows the sign for "please" and she speaks it as well. She is not too young to mind her p's and q's. She is learning that the expectation is there to say "please" when you want or need something, and to say or sign "thank you" after it's been given. We are helping her understand that pitching a fit and screaming is not going to get you what you want. BD and I make sure we use manners with each other, as well (teaching by example).
Dr. Sears' website is chock-full of ideas and examples to help you learn to gently discipline your toddler. This post, titled 8 Tools For Toddler Discipline, gave me a lot to think about and try.
A child Babydoll's age doesn't yet have the verbal communication skills she needs to express herself. We've taught her some sign language and her vocabulary is ever-growing, but it heeds us as parents to remember that she processes things differently than we do, that it can be frustrating to not be able to tell your caregivers exactly what is on your mind.
When we're having one of those days, and you know what I'm talking about, I try to stop for a minute and just breathe. "She is a child. All of these attributes that are driving me crazy today will serve her well one day. She's just a baby. Where is that damn cat???"
