Obligatory "New Year, New Me" Post

When you're a blogger, even an occasional one like myself, it's like an unwritten rule that you have to post a New Year's blog.  So, here's mine.

The last part of 2013 was eye-opening for me.  In October, I realized that I weighed more than I ever had in my my life, including when I was nine months' pregnant with my daughter.  My skin felt uncomfortable.  I wasn't sleeping well at all.  I had no energy to play with my preschooler.  I felt very much like a human tank, lumbering through life and crushing anything calorie-laden in my tired jaws.

I also take medication for hypertension (high blood pressure), aspirin for blood clots, and Celexa for anxiety and depression.  I'm basically a disaster with boobs.

Knowing myself and my inability to control myself around food, I decided to look into bariatric surgery.  My OB/GYN referred me to a surgeon she trusted.  I had a consultation and he determined that I was an excellent candidate for a gastric sleeve procedure.  I felt relieved!  Having a physical limitation that would keep me from overeating was just what I needed.  Then, I found out that my insurance would not, not ever, not for any reason, cover bariatric surgery.

I cried.

Then, I put on my (very) big girl panties and had an honest, unflinching conversation with myself.

"Look here, Self.  YOU put yourself in this position.  YOU are the only one who can change it.  It is YOUR responsibility to make yourself healthy and whole.  YOU must take charge.  Blow your nose and get to it."

Myself is pretty hard-core when she wants to be.

The bariatric surgeon referred me to his nutritionist, gratis (probably because I had already paid him a co-pay), so I sat with her for two hours one afternoon.  She went over my medical history, my vitals, my family's medical history (also a disaster), and my goals.  She helped me understand that having an emotional relationship with food is as bad for me as being in an abusive romantic relationship ("Would you stand by and let your best friend be abused by someone she loved?  No.  So don't let yourself be abused, either.").  She laid out a few different meal plans for me, referred me to several websites and books, and told me I should be proud of myself for taking this first step to better health.

I started the very next day: I began a Paleo-influenced diet, with limited grains and dairy, no wheat or white flour, low fat, and minimal sugar.  Very limited alcohol (boooooo).  I have to count calories until I'm familiar with portion sizes by sight.  The nutritionist asked me to do 30 minutes of cardio 4 times a week and to do some form of strength training every day.  Within a week, I'd lost two pounds, my stomach bloat had greatly diminished, and I felt better overall.

And I've stuck with it, for the most part.  I confess that I have enjoyed the treats of the holiday season and haven't exercised much and, as a result, my stomach has bloated back up and I gained back 5 pounds of the 13 I'd lost prior to the holidays.  Instead of berating myself though, I'm taking it as a lesson on what my limits need to be.  I've been experimenting with recipes that are low in calories, dense in nutrition, and above all else, tasty!  I'll share them here in the coming weeks and months.

Here's what my typical shopping list looks like now:

For comparison, here's me in late September:

And here's me on Christmas Eve:

Sure, I'm wearing more make-up and my crazy hair is slightly less crazy, but my eyes are brighter, my face isn't as puffy, my skin is clearer, and the bags under my eyes aren't as heavy and dark, because I've been sleeping so much better.

My sister-in-law recently started a "Fit For '15" challenge on Instagram (follow her here) and I'm using her extensive knowledge to get my booty in shape.

A few other inspiring Instagram accounts:

Confessions of a Clean Foodie

Nom Nom Paleo (also, their cookbook by the same name is fantastic)

FlavorGod Meals (his spice blends are game-changing, by the way)

So there ya go.  I've fulfilled my blogger's responsibility.  Here's the thing: if I can, you can.  Let's do it.