Thou Shalt Not Wallow

Shit happens.  To everybody, at one point or another.  No one is immune.  Once we all accept that, it makes it a hell of a lot easier to deal with the shit.

I'm not a wallower.  Never have been.  I've had my moments, certainly, of brief wallowing, but I never linger in it.  I asked my mom (aka The Rock) if maybe I am just a little less sensitive than other people, a little more cold in the heart, or hard around the edges.  "No," she replied.  "We are just resilient people.  We're strong.  We bounce back pretty fast."

I sat back and thought on that awhile.  I think she's right.  Everyone in my family, we've all had our share of ups and downs, collectively and individually.  But none of us are broken.  None of us have become so damaged that we cannot move forward with our lives.  Many of my friends have been knocked down by life, too.  Everyone gets back up, brushes off the shit, and moves forward.  I'm surrounded by a very muscly bunch of folks.

My friend K, another rock in my life, sent me a quote and I can't recall the phrase exactly.  It was something along the lines of "everyone grieves in their own time frame" or "you can't grieve on anyone else's schedule."  How true is that?  Some people cling to their grief the rest of their lives.  Others give themselves a schedule ("I will get over it in exactly six months...one year...ten years.").  Some of us, me included, hold onto bits of it because it has become attached to the love we feel for those we are without.

None of that is wrong.  I can't judge anyone's grief, nor will I answer to anyone's judgement about mine.  We all, in our own time, move forward.  Not "on," just "forward."  I've found that my Babydoll propels me quite a bit.  Her young age means that she doesn't have full comprehension of what has happened to us.  She knows when Mama is sad, and my tears bring on her own.  In fact, she cries any time someone else does.  She's a very sensitive and attuned person.  My life's purpose is to make her happy, so wallowing in my grief simply will not do.  When I smile and laugh, she does, too.

And there it is.