I'm feeling a lot lately...the gamut of emotions is running a marathon through me. I'm overjoyed and deliriously happy about my Babydoll's growth this year. She is speaking so well and making connections. She's very affectionate, and independent, and sassy, and funny. SO funny. Her memory is amazing. Physically, she is just beautiful (sure, I'm biased, but really she is). She's even beginning to read. I couldn't be prouder of her.
Then, I'm overtaken by sadness. Her Daddy is missing all of this. He hasn't seen the last of her babyness fade away to her becoming a full-blown kid. He hasn't heard her be bossy with the dogs (and everyone else). He hasn't witnessed the unbelievable growth spurts. He doesn't know that she has watched "The Lorax" 86,000 times. He hasn't sat beside her and listened as she read one of her books all by herself.
"He sees everything from Heaven." Well, that sure is a nice sentiment, but IT IS NOT THE SAME. This morning, another child told my daughter that she doesn't have a dad. My heart split into a million pieces. My spunky little girl shook her head and said "My Daddy is in Heaven!" Pride overflowed from me, but the sadness has been pricking my eyes for hours now.
He's been gone for seven months. It is not getting easier. There have been periods where I thought it was, but nope. It actually seems harder now than ever before. In the grand scheme of things, seven months isn't that long, I suppose. But F-WORD, I need to know that it's not going to hurt forever. Some days are a lot harder than others...today is one of those days.
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