My family's new favorite pastime is mocking BD's and my parenting style. Every recent gathering has turned into a game of who can be the biggest jerk about cloth diapering, organic foods, babywearing, and co-sleeping. In true family fashion, if I show that it upsets me in any way, the teasing only gets worse. So like the proverbial duck, I just let it roll off my back (until I get home to my own pond, where I can be pissed all I want). I can bitch about it here, because not a one of them read my blog. Nor do they ask questions about why we parent the way we do - I wish they would, instead of passing judgement about how weird we are, and how we are obviously damaging our child with our hippie parenting ways.
A very dear, wise mama friend of mine pointed out to me that the way in which we parent was not so unconventional or weird many, many years ago. This is true. So in that line of thinking, I've decided to give our childrearing ways a new name: Vintage Parenting.
I tend to prefer the old, the antiquated, the vintage, in most aspects of my life, so why not my parenting? I hate modern medicine, modern furniture, modern cars. My dream is to live on a commune somewhere, with like-minded people who just want the world to be a nice, clean place for themselves and their babies.
I do love modern technology. I have a hard time remembering life before my iPhone...but you know, I bet after a week or so, I wouldn't miss it.
Another wise mama friend commented that many people are just out there breeding, popping out kids right and left, rarely recognizing that every child is a gift. For BD and me, we wanted our baby desperately, and the night she was born was truly the best night of our lives. After years of being told I could not get pregnant, that positive pregnancy test (okay, more like 6 positive pregnancy tests) was a comet, a shooting star, a long-time wish come true. From the time that I was little, every time I blew out a birthday candle, or threw a penny in a fountain, I wished for a baby girl of my own. My daughter is, without a doubt, my greatest and most cherished blessing. Why wouldn't I hold her close as often as possible? Why wouldn't I make certain that she had the best we could offer for her well-being? Why wouldn't I do the very best I could?
I know that I can't protect her from everything. I know I can get a touch obsessed about certain things. But I am passionate about my baby. I love her more than anything. Even chocolate.
It was hard for me as well with some of my family. Not all of them, but we have a few "very" strong opinions. It seemed at every turn I was doing it "wrong" according to them. As a new, and single, mother I had a lot of questions, doubts and fears. Was I really doing it "wrong"? And if I was, what was "right"?
ReplyDeleteI read books, blogs, and websites, asked friends and got a million different answers. I got a lot of advice when I didn't ask - every mother has an opinion I learned, and they all want to share it! It's that opinion and @$$hole analogy I think of. It was a bit overwhelming at first.
The organics battle had been a toughie. I got the "We didn't give you organic, and you turned out OK" - but "WE" had a backyard garden, and "WE" were raised in a generation where there wasn't as many chemicals, hormones and other crap being used to make things bigger, fatter and faster. "WE" grew up on fresh game - daddy was a hunter. "WE" went toe the local butcher and got our meats and cheeses. They were not certified organic - we didn't have that then - but I know they were a lot healthier than what is out there commercially now. Unfortunately, I cannot afford 100% organics, but I do what I can. We eat Cheerios, with organic milk and bananas. I’m a full-time college student, I have a budget. But we make it work.
I remember when “WE” played outside until dark. “WE” didn’t have video games or televisions in our bedrooms. The TV was a privilege, not something that ran 24-hours a day. McDonald's wasn't it's own food group - it was something we had on occasion. Home cooked meals were "normal" even if we didn't have complete family sit-down time each night.
No, you and I don't parent exactly the same, and "WE" certainly don't do it like "THEY" did, but I guarantee you, we’re both doing it “right”.
Groove on, Mama!
You brought tears to my eyes Jess! All I can say, is that once you become a new mother everyone and their cousin wants to offer advice and they are truly offended if you don't end up parenting the way they do. You seem like you have it all under control and all I can offer for advice is follow your motherly instincts! Do what YOU think is best and do what you've already done...let their mocking a teasing roll off your back. You are a wonderful mother and I enjoy looking at your parenting point of view through your eyes. I parent differently than you do, as I should, cuz I'm not you!! ;) But I think you have a great point of view and you make me look at things in a different way. Your daughter is beautiful and she is very lucky to grow up with you and BD for parents!!!! Keep up the good work kiddo!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind words, fellow mamas! Like any mother, I often question if we're doing things the "right" way. But it feels right to us, so we'll just stick with what's working.
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